You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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