APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize