can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
