i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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