Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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