you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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