I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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