Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
