wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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