9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is my gift to your gina
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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