I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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