Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
