I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
