When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
