1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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