She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
