do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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