I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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