I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
