she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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