I look better un-naked...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
