Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
