Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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