i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
