Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
50% drunk capacity currently
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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