remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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