Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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