I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
