I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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