im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
