Ambien. No doubt about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
