if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
