Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
