Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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