we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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