You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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