I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
