The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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