The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
