I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
