If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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