I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
