I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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