apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
