i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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