so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
