I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize