Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
