Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
MIDGETS
????
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
