I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
