i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
