Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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