i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
