Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
