Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just pynch a tree in the face
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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