I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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