There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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