hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
