Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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