spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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