can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
