Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
