He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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