I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
