I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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