Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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