My vagina just recognized that song.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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