You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
