Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
