woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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