Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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