we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
third nipple confirmed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
