It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
