cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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