Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
