i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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