i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
